it's pretty pathetic how life could get any mean to us. like, how sucks it would be if things were being jeopardised because of another thing when you're already comfortable with and confident about it. how easy can it be if every complexity in our daily lives could be solved so much in simplicity. i'd really wish for that. of course, one must presevere to achieve the things you always wanted. but, in some cases, can it all just get along well? now, beats me. i aint know what the fuck im talking about. but, im trying to make a point. think about it.

ok. a message alert tone woke me up this afternooon. thought i'll be waking up around 4pm or 5pm. but well, thanks to my friend that i got my ass out of the bed much early and that, i have more time to get the house cleaned up. yeah, we've start kemas-ing here and there and boy, it's exhausting alright. and knowing my room, hell yeah it'll take like forever to have it done. really. and i aint know shit why. it's been more then four days but my room is still nowhere to be near done. ahaks. but i tell you, i'll make my room like bammm for sure by the time it's raya. =)

so i had spent most of my time today having a movie marathon at home while cleaning up my room. since i transferred the dvd player from the living room into my own room, i kept on watching dvds that i have in the drawer and ive never watch before. so yeah, some were pretty boring but some, it's really awesome! didnt know i've got some great 'low-profile' movies here at home. and hell no it's piracy. straight up it's original. been enjoying watching movies alone so far. but then again, it would be much better if i'll be watching it with someone. really really. . .

anyway, two days ago, i had buka at my nenek's crib-mum's side. and hell, it was great. i mean, it always have been. the togetherness, the family bonding, the kids, the teens and the craps and jokes. haiz. every puasa, it's a must to be down at my mum's side. and it's been rather long i last saw them. then many things happen. one part, i asked everybody along for some games and yeah, it's all cute. hurhur. literally, every kid listens to me coz they treated and even called me 'Barney'. dont ask why as it's rather embarassing. agagagaga.

so some parts of the house is all cleaned up and i just cant wait to see the look of my home by the end of the day. and yea, with my room being re-decorated. weee~! and yea, have i told y'all my comp speakers now changed? it's a blast i tell ya. i really like it. the sound system is much more clearer and booming. i can now clearly tell that how is the reverbs or the flanger, the effects or the overdrives of my beat-makings going around. coolcool. thanks to dad.

you see, sometimes i finds it hard to believe. sometimes, your father can be such a pain in the ass. in other words, you're always fucked up. then you ended up locking youself up in your room, turning the stereo volumed up and would be throwing tantrums at things around you. or even, abusing youself. if that doesn't occurs to you, it is to me. and almost everytime i did this. sometimes without the music thing. and well, it's like im being traumatised. i kept on picturing how invincible i would be when im sooo angry and everything around me is all destroyed. like i once pictured the television set and comp is all wiped out. dang. i can be dangerous when im angry. seriously, its been many times ive broken my closet mirrors. but sometimes, instead of those mirrors, the walls became my victims till they bleeds.

fathers is always right. but sometimes, it's bull. why cant we even make choices when we know ourselves best? yes, we know you all always wanted the best for us but dont you guys even thought what might we feel when those things is not what we're lookin out for? and it's actually what YOU wanted, not ME. but anyway, how resentful it seems like i am, he's still my father. and sometimes, he's the best. and i finds it funny and hard to believe. haiz. i cant believe im saying all this crap. im out now.

before that, to those peeps taking N lvls,
GOOD LUCK!

and to FAEZAH,
Happy Belated 17th Birthday to YOU!
may your wish come true one fine day. =)




love.
and oh, i hate my life.
but i really like it when you are around me.

i miss you... . . .

2:59 PM
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