sometimes, i dont understand myself. and some things just need to stop. seriously, it's really a pain in the ass. period. and i cant stand myself bein in this way. maybe im envious to almost everything. and maybe im selfish, wantin to be the only one who's there to anything. its inevitable that negativity always conquers my mind. and i hate it myself when that happens. sometimes, things do aint goes the way i thought it was or things that i doesnt even know about and when i found out, i dont like it. i have the thinkin maybe im bein too much. at the same time, that's when the fuckin negativity comes in too. at times, i feel that im just not doin it right, only havin the risk of jeopardisin the relationship. or makin her havin a different perspective of me already. or not lettin her havin the life she wanted.

on the other hand, i think im doin the right thing. well, if things that your loved one would wanna do that you dont like, would you let her/him to? of course not. that's the thing. i duno how should i react at most of times. knowin myself, ive always walked away from it. coz im just scared that it might result in the wrong way. or like, who am i to actually stop her from doin things when there's actually nothin goin on around. i dun wanna make her feel like she's bein controlled. in the end of the day, nothing bein discussed. and hate that too. when shall i be free from this stupid negativity world? guess the first wrong step she took has permanently left me inside the cage. and so i was thinkin, am i still doin the right thing? am i bein a good bf for her..?

it has always been wonderin. and i guess, it shall always be...

realisin this, guess i love her so much and fear of losin her. especially the fear of havin her doin the things that i dont like, it will turn out to be so much more inside one day. too much? you tell me...



love.

7:10 PM
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