ive been sick and i was kinda shocked when i found a blood stain on my pillow this morning. and i cant sleep well nowadays. and even if i do, i only startin to feel sleepy around 3am-4am. i dont know why but i just feel restless at home. and i tell you, i have a house but i dont feel like im home anymore. pardon me about my previous entry. it's about my folks and my cousin. why? mum lately has been really gettin on my nerves and im fuckin pissed every each time she will say something... not nice at all. and dad, i still dont understand him and i know, he still dont understand me which i dont understand why's that. not that i want him to follow my way. it's a matter of willing to give and take. and for the record, the fuckin communication and understandin.................

i totally hate what has happen. not that i wanted it to happen anyway. i hate it when you guys dont even let me to have a chance to speak. yes, when somebody talks, listen. but hell, i did listen and i fuckin heed those advices and at times, its for nothing. cant i at least say something that you guys think it wrong? and that, i should at least make it up then? i fuckin hate it when you guys just jumped to conclusion and fuckin blame or reprimanded us for nothing. NOTHING! i wanted to hit the 4glass in front of me on my head, dad. but grandma was there. push to my limits and expect things you dont even think i would ever do it.... try me.



i still hate you, dad...

5:47 AM
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FUCK YOU!!
I DONT CARE ANYMORE!!
jUST FUCKIN GO TO HELL!!
FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!










I HATE YOU................................................

11:00 AM
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ok. ive been wantin to update for days but i just dont know why i still dont. but im updatin now arent i..

okok. nuff said.


April 10th to April 12th, had a chalet at Aloha Loyang and hell it was the craziest and the greatest chalet moments i have ever had. that INDIAN ALMOND was the name of our crib. it aint just an ordinary chalet ive been to. this was more like a fuckin big WHOA to me. its my first time stay in such a big chalet. i couldnt believe my eyes when mashita told me that in front of us was our chalet. four rooms, with staircase, the dining room plus the kitchen and of course, the livin room. aww hell yeah! it was so picture perfect.

well, the ultimate adventure i had throughout this chalet stay is when there was this time on the first night, the place suddenly broke into silence and peace when its struck 4am. me, zaimi and my bro couldnt help ourselves with the boredom and the fact that everyone has turned in. and we, seriously just cant put ourselves to sleep. and so, we decided to have a ride on the bicycles. we explored many places we never been to and blah3, we took a rest somewhere in pasir ris, at the middle of the pathway, right in front of us is the traffic light. it was really so mendak that suddenly, bro jokingly said he wants to go for the thrill to cycle up till tampines. and hell yeah, we did made our way there but instead, we ended up to bedok. so picture that. from pasir ris, all the way to bedok.

blah3, we realised the time was 6.30am. we rushed back to the chalet. and there was a point of time, zaimi nearly hit by a taxi. yeah, we didnt really realised the traffic. we hustle all the way back and then we realised it only took us 45mins to reach back. wth. imagine that fast. haha.

once back into our rooms, we changed to shorts and whoooshh to the swimming pool! blah3, played some ps2 games with the others in the livin room. blah3, when night falls again, it was TIME for the BBQ FIESTA. my form teacher and my networkin subject teacher came down for the bbq. blah3, we had some feast and blah3, i still have not sleep. zaimi had some nap umpteen times while my bro, he had to be somewhere else with his old friends at east coast park. blah3, we had this lucky draw and those who has a packet of chilli sauce in their prizes, will have to do a forfeit. and fucks, i was one of them! aku yg plan, aku plak yg kene. and so, the forfeit was suggested that we have to be thrown into the pool. and so, i was thrown by four guys like a big bag of rubbish into the big bin. after those who had to do the forfeit was done, to my surprise, almost everybody then jumps into the pool! gerek sia tu part... haha.

then we played around in the water. stupid water polo and the slides. some flips and teambuildin games. fun sia. blah3, we were bein asked to be out of the pool because the fact that it's already 2am. hahaha. we were makin so much noise. and the security had to come down and shoo us out. if he hadnt come, i think till our hands and legs were fully wrinkled than we stop bein in the pool. and i must say, it was freakin cold nak mampos. heh.

blah3, i still did not sleep, together with zaimi, kelvin, maria, yat, azlan. we talked among ourselves till dawn. and i cant sleep. blah3, it was time to pack up and tu part aku da malas giler siol. blah3, we took some photos and before we make a move, seriously, some people start to be emotional. even myself. not that we're cryin or whatnot but just, sad that we already have to leave the place. and we realised it's kinda short. so, 3 days aint enough. we should have it longer next time. =)


love you guys! *there's more but they have gone home..


anyway, school has re-open. and now, life's back to normal. finally. haha. been livin with boredom, waddya expect? and yea, what i do mostly nowadays is just helpin my grandma. so, sorry if i have not been updatin regularly. besides, sometimes i find i dont have much to talk about anyway. except that, i miss alot of people!!! and yeah, i have realised that suddenly, i received alot of messages at my tagboard from my old friends nowadays. surprisingly, why suddenly now? hurhur. but, im glad myself that you people have found your way here. =)
so yeah, WELCOME!!!

to SITI MASHITA ZAIN,


HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
May you'll be blessed always and live long.
May you filled with love and happiness forever.
May what you've dream for, came true one fine day...
=)

to anyone that matters, it aint just about you. it's about us. all of us...



love!
i see fresh people.
and i think im in love...

2:59 PM
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i had a 16 hours of sleep last night. i felt so lethargic and practically, i aint know why. weird, but true. anyway, i had this dream lately about my old crib at woodlands. damn. and the thing is, everytime i were to dream bout it, i realised my face were all wet because i was crying in that dream. it felt so real, so fascinating. and the strange thing about it, almost every episode of it is the same one except that at a different angles of the picture. right... well, i just wish it will come true one day. i miss woodlands. miss everyone i know staying there, from a 6-years-old kid to 56-years-old folks. and that uncle always would give us a stick of his cool 'cigarette' if he were to lepak with us. awesome it is.

yesterday, i went to grandma's crib and hell it was so long since the last ive seen her. yes, i miss her cooking! and my cousins and my lil' cousins and my aunties and uncles and everyone there. hurhur. a great bonding session i had with them. and damn, my cousins are going out to austrailia soon already. I AM INDEED JEALOUS! but well, the thing is, if the letter from NS haven't yet posted to me, then i really really happy. by then, i'll be following them! weehee! i'm planning to further my studies there. either Brisbane, Melbourne or Sydney. why? because this states has the school that i wanted. there's one in California but i dont think i have enough money for the travel cost and expenses. austrailia just nice. =)

about migrating, most prolly when bro had his NS served. meaning, it's still a long way to go. mom said she may change her mind. so, im not putting so much hope in this.

anyway, i must say that audience in hiphop gigs are TOO MONOTONOUS AND LITERALLY, DEAD! you showed your love by coming down only for your homies, not every performers. that's not love, that's bias. if you said you showed love for hiphop, especially in this local scene, then prove it. if you're into hiphop, then stop wasting your time by coming to gigs and keeping quiet. i must say, you guys sucks big time. the culture of hiphop is not like this. people like sheikh haikel is a good example. he is LOVE. all i see in this stupid thing is all because of a typical malay pride. oh wth...



a new song for a new change. and to people that do not know, i am bald.

love!

2:59 PM
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