k, im bored. im stuck at home. i have to do my DnT. damn. i hate it. but, i have to anw. haiz...

hmm, so im glad now dat arfah is back home. she's online. and im chattin with her now. good.

k. know what?today, i have my Supernumerary Training(a NCC training under HQ for the selected best ones.), and i ain't going. damn it. it's juz me. i'm kinda lazy to go. and anw, there's like a make-up class if i ain't goin for this one. so i guess i'm goin for this make-up class...

and so, check out the list on your right bout the usual suspects dat we decided to name ourselves as superheroes... hah....

nwy, my thing with hernie has finally over. we talked it over. k. like finally i know what actually she was mad about. and we got it talked over. i admit. it was me who make this happen... haiz...

there ain't much for me to talk about really. all i cud say now is dat... I REALLY MISS MY GIRL!!!haha... haiz... i miz her so much... damn it...

im out...

.:Fadhli[23]Arfah:.

8:26 AM
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so, my day started off with sweats. early in the morning i have to rush to school as i was late. had CIP juz now. and damn, it was tiring, i must say. and i like my group(wan, fafa, me and adam). haha. having them ard was great. it was fun. going to ppl homes and asked for old papers and clothes like a bunch of idiots dat we first felt like a real loser. but we get used to it after some time. hah...

k, den, i went straight home. took a bath. den took a nap. woke up. and... i was kinda late! haha. i had this wedding ceremony dat i have to attend somewhere at Newton. it was my teacher's wedding. and his name is Bruce Siow. haiz. i had planned earlier on with my 'dear' frenz dat i wud mit dem up at the Newton MRT control stn. and like, dey had no patience seh! i was like late for about 10 mins je and dey wudnt even wanna wait. haiz. kawan. and like, wen i reached and not even a soul dat i recognise was dere, i called impy. for 8 damn times! haha. den, its like i dun even noe the name of the plc seh. i call abeh no one pick it up and like deres 9 churches ard dat plc seh. and i aint know shit. i kinda panicked. haha. had the tot of going home den...

the 8th call was the relieved one. amir picked it up. he den told me the directions. but i dun get it seh. den i asked him wat is the name of the church. it was, 'Life Bible-Presbyterian Church'. den i told him i wud look for it myself. i started to observe the plcs ard me. and after dat, i went back to the map near the ctrl stn. and den, i look out for the road dat was near to the church. the name i found was, 'Gilstead Rd'. i den studied the map. i did wat i had memorised of the plc dat i wud cum across while takin dat route. and soon, i made it! haha. and like wat, wen i once reached, i was like the first one to shake his hands seh to congratulate him. hah! i was kinda blur coz i dont know wat is happenin ard and like this is the first time i ever went to a church to attend a wedding. hah. i saw the couple walkin down the aisle and the door den opened. i shook his hand den. he was handsome and smart-lookin, i muz say. and im sure hernie wud swoon as she sees him. she likes dis Mr.Bruce wat. hah.

k, den, after some time, my frens and i den headed to town. but fafa and impy had to split up with us coz dey both had to go home already. haiz. den, we all(riffy, mail, wan, khai, din, arif, joe, ridwan, hakim, ai, muhaimin, uwais, taufik, faris, kid, amir and me) decided to play pool. we go to cineleisure. and guess wat. some of us cudnt get in seh s dey haven b 16yrs old yet. i have. haha. den we decided to juz barge in. we plan. and it was a success. everybody was in. hah.

k. met hidir too juz now. he was with freazy. haiz. nwy, deres a gig at YP. and i aint goin. coz i had to be back home. damn. cud c dat everybody seems to be disappointed but they understan. haiz. sorry to spoil the fun guys...

and ya. arfah is somewhere ard town too now. haiz. somehow, im sure she and hidir wud meet up. but in anw, i trust her. so, i shudnt worry. k. i started to miz her now. damn. i wanna c her. like now. haiz. but cant. wonder how she's been doin.

n guess wat?im home now and like.......... NO ONE IS AT HOME!!!!!!im all alone now. haiz. everybody was out. mum went to wedding ceremony too. sis and bro went to town also i think. tah la. wateva la. im sure dey are havin fun now. coz dey are goin to the gig. DAMN!

haiz. im bored. fafa like the only one ive been talkin to now. she's online. thank god.

ntg to say anymore so i guess im out...

.:Fadhli[22]Arfah:.

12:38 PM
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k. i dun undastan.

but nvm. i try to.

nwy, dat sumone i called him ''dad'', is really makin me hatin him even more and more each day...

haiz..

why im havin such person in my life...

i hate dis...

damn.

my worst nightmare will be tmw.

im prepared.

bring it on.

miz arfah now.

haiz...

im crappin again.

im out.

*hating the world, hating him, hating her, hating myself...

.:Fadhli&Arfah:.

2:29 PM
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12:26 PM
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2:51 PM
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my mind is all blank now wen i got to know my girl ain't aight. im worried. many things were in mind dat i wish to talk about earlier on but it has faded juz like dat. damn.

but i remember one. tmw i'll be going down to sentosa for this family day dat the SMRT has organise. will be dere like in the mornin bout 9am and like be home at night. hah. heard dat me, my bro and sis will be ridin some cool rides. can't wait. but sumhow, i dun tink i wud be enjoyin dat much. coz arfah is havin probs now and i really worryin bout it. im sure she'll be in mind all thru the day, wonderin whether will she be okay...

Arfah,
i know u aint got any mood to even talk to me rite now and prolly even, itz not the rite time for me trying to be by your side and comfort you. i wud wana do dat but i know u'll need sumtime alone. but, dun ever do anything stupid to yourself and dun make decisions wen you mad. it'll juz be resulted the wrong way wen soon u realized it. in any case, and u have already being calmed, prolly u need sumone to turn to den, you know you can always cum to me. i'll be there for you to talk to, lend my shoulders for you to cry on if you need to, and i'll try my best to help you if you want me to... *promise*

take good care of yourself and i really hope that u'll be alright...

... love you ...

im out now...

12:11 PM
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so i didn't meet arfah today. and im missin her so much already. haiz. im home now and it's like early seh. never been like this early wen i got hm. usually got hm like 4.30pm the earliest. haha. got nothing in school and like no plans with the others and arfah. so i juz decided to go home. hah. nothing much really to talk about now. guess im juz tired...

hmm, nwy, the probs btwn me and hernie still not over yet. and i start to feel dat im useless for doing nothing bout it. frankly speaking, i wana go to her and talk things out but i leali duno y i juz dun hv the courage to approach her. i feel like a kental. i m kental. hah. haiz. hernie, i leali wana talk to you seh. damn. can say i started to miz her too. hah. but still, i dun get it. wat juz has cum dat till it makes us to be in this state?watz the prob here???i still duno wat we're fightin about seh... ... ... ... ... hmm, i leali hope we'll be aight sumday. for which i have the enough courage to talk to her. haiz.

nwy, my next mitin with arfah wud b sumwhere next week seh. sial ah... so long sia. i'll be missin her for sure. haiz. k, shut up now...

and i guess i got nothing else more to say so...
im out...

5:19 AM
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exhausted.

im feelin real exhausted now. my back is achin. had a mass walk dis mornin at McRitchie Reservoir. school organised. it was supposingly meant to be a cross country. but it was drizzling and the ground was pretty wet. the teachers was concerned bout the safety for the students dat might trip and fall while runnin through the jungle s the ground is damn wet and muddy, so they have made a last minute decision to make this mass run to mass walk. the whole school was happy bout it. haha. we started the walk class by class...

duing the walk, my class (especially), was like the noisiest class and like the lamest one too. hah. we sang nursery rhymes and sorts of songs dat wud juz made us to laugh till our heads off. haha. but den, wen came to this one point during the walk, where the boys and the girls wud have to split up for which, the girls wud take the 3.2km route and the boys, took the 4.8km route, the noise we created dat filled the air soon turned back to the sounds of the jungle again. haha. is dere such words?... nwy, dere was like silence among us. but not for long, we started to make noise again... haha... it was crazy.....

but after for quite sometime, my injured leg couldn't really carry me anymore. i started to be in pain and so i started to walk slowly. and i was alone den. haiz. i kept lookin at the ground. in fact, most of the time during the walk, i kept lookin at the ground and kept quiet. duno why. den, i remembered dat i've brought along my mp3 with me.so i listen to it. and all the way till i made it thru the finishin line, alone. while i was walking alone, frankly, i was thinkin bout hernie. i was like still askin myself wat have i done wrong. haiz. i dun tink she wud care less either. she seems to be perfectly normal. guess i shud too. but i can't help the fact dat we're actin like a total stranger to each other. i really want to do smtg bout dis seh. but i duno y i juz can't. and den, after the walk and all, i really do wanted to go to her. but i couldn't even like make my way to approach her. damn... but why is she actin dis way?

anw, after i have failed to confront hernie, me and my klazmates, namely-amir, fazrul, wan, sairi, impian, fafa, khai, den made our way to toa payoh. to eat. we all were like damn famished seh. haha. den, after eatin, it was like still early to get our butts at home. we den decided to go to Bugis Junction!...k, dis is wen the fun begins ah to me...

haha. wen we had arrived, we cum across to dis cool fountain. den, khai jokingly tell fazrul to run to the fountain together. fazrul was kinda blur so he juz ran with khai. khai suddenly stops. and, fazrul slips and fall! haha. everyone was lookin seh. his pants was kinda wet tho. den, went to the shops at the fourth storey. window shoppin. lookin around at the stuffs like a bunch of losers. hah. den, we went to relax at dis one spot which den we took many photos dere. hah. after dat, wan, amir, khai and me wanted to polluted the air. so we went out. and we den sit, where it is juz beside the fountain. hah. me and khai den decided to play with the fountain. and, i was den given a dare. dat is to cross the fountain without gettin wet. i did. but, eventually, i got myself wet. hah. the water like suddenly splashed out seh. hah. den wan decided to take a dare too. soon, all the boys were in the dare. all of us like runnin a show seh dere. like a bunch of attention seekers. haha. many ppl eventually took photos of us seh. especially the eurasion ones. hah. we all like playin with the water and takin photos at the same time. hah. of all, i was the wettest one. hah!

we sat dere like for about an hour. den, we went back to wlds. hah. in the bus was another moments i like. hah. but da mls nak tulis. hmm, den, wen reached wlds, everybody goes hm. but not me. i met arfah. and i tell her everything dat happen earlier on. hah. den, after spendin a few hours with her, i den went hm. and so, here i m now writin dis entry, still with my class t-shirt on and the pain on my back plus my injured leg. hah. and ya, tmw i ain't gonna be mitin arfah seh. she got dis trainin for her appreciation day. damn. gonna miz her for sho.

hmm, ppl who read dis entry and do not understan, u have juz waste ur time. and i have waste my time too, to write dis for u to read. haiz. fuck it. juz ignore... guess im juz still crappin...

im out now...

9:36 AM
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baik ah! my world has start to be in a mess. all the things are happenin ard me are all wrong. shit. last night i was bein scolded and was like being shouted at like a dog barked at a tiny ant. i was down. my heart were cryin. i didn't noe wat else to do but to juz locked myself up in my own room and be in the dark. kept starin at the ceiling above which then i realised ive been starin at it for about 2hrs. damn. soon, i went to slp. and i dreamt. i dreamt abt myself bein dead. oh yea. i was dead. and like ppl whom i knew were all being happy that im not ard anymore... haiz... is this for real???....

---------------------------

the 'thing' i had wit my father has come back. and guess i'll be a real rebellious child in this fam soon. sumtimes i feel like he's not even my dad. and sumtimes i don't even feel that im their son. i leali feel like killin myself. damn.

im sori arfah for bein such a long time to get back to u. leali. i cudnt get anywhere but juz in my room. sorry...

11:02 PM
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u wana know why did i never fuckin do my fuckin DnT folio???you wanna know what's the fuckin thing dat stops me from fuckin doin it??? bcoz i fuckin hate DnT and i have no fuckin interest in DnT... Get dat??? i hate u fuckin naggin at me. im already bein fucked up and im fucked up again. FUCK. wat has the fuckin world has fuckin turn to..!!!!!!!!damn. dun even ask me a fuckin why wen u read dis fuckin entry...!!! fuck the world...!!! hate myself...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7:34 AM
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it's now 3.32am and i can't even slp yet. haiz. duno y but i juz cudn't slp. weird. but im not alone. my sis is awake too. frm juz now, we were like being crazy like laughin our lungs out loud. hmm, we're juz crazy. so, at last, sort of im STRESS-FREE!!! finally exams are over. but for now je ar. the real challenge is yet to come. 'N' levels... damn. haiz...

today, i went to changi hospital(again) for my check-up. had an appointment today. was like rush dere right after i had my DnT paper. talkin bout DnT, the paper was kinda easy. hah. i can do it seh. i myself like can't believe it. haha. but, maybe im juz doing it anyhow??hah.. probably not. hmm, after went to dat hospital, my fam and i went to this store for computers and bought a new mouse. like finally i have replace my mouse. the previous one was like damn fuckin irritatin seh. jap2 bleh abeh jap2 tak bleh. haiz. i like the new mouse now. and wats best is dat it is wireless. hah. awesome.

anw, itz been two days now me and arfah hadn't be seeing each other but it feels like two weeks rather. haiz. and ya, tmw i ain't schoolin! haha. coz tmw i have no paper. so no school! goyang kaki! haha... so prolly goin out to somewhere which i duno where to go to coz i ain't plan yet. hah. stupid. but feels like goin out lor... but where... suggest for me??

im missin arfah. tot of callin her juz now like ard 1.21am but i told myself dat she wud probably be sleepin oredi and i dun tink i wud wanna disturb. but if she ain't'sleepin den... damn... im being stupid ah... hah!.. feels like callin her now too.. i so miz her. and to say, i miz 'HER' too. if you ppl don't know who m i referrin the 'HER' to, then screw you... *ahakz*

hmm, i guess datz all i wanna say about coz i can't think of anymore to write...

so im out...

*hating the world. hating myself...

6:54 PM
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hah. simply say, im bored! and im kinda feelin good bout today coz... i can to go to skool late!!haha... well, my paper starts at 1045am. DnT paper. frankly speakin, i hate DnT. i like it the last time but, eversince we got this teacher named Mr. Tan Hong Tee, i started to hate DnT. It was all his fault and like he teaches us like nothing gets into the head seh. and also, when he speaks, as like he is talkin to himself. hah. hate him!

so, here i m, gettin ready for school. hope i wud do well. haiz... missin arfah. damn.
so lost without you....

im out...

11:47 PM
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i had a friend. it was a girl and her name is hernie. she was like the bestest fren of mine. i noe sumtimes i dun show it dat she's like a bestfren to me but like, she was like everytime been in my mind seh. sumtimes i duno how to react when in times things go wrong. and sumtimes i even cant confront her like i used too. eversince that time we fought bcoz of 'smtg', i duno whether im still needed to be s her friend. sumtimes i wonder. haiz... and now, we fought bcoz of smtg dat i really, really, really duno. its like, huh?.. last friday, we met n was like ok. she said smtg like she misses me and i said it the same too coz itz like i never c her much days b4. but den, like durin the weekend, she asked me whether im ok or not in msn. well i m. but i was rather late to reply her coz i was like bz doing smtg wif my sis. haiz. den the next min i knew, we're ignorin, or rather, neglectin each other. and now she's sayin dat she's a nobody to me. i duno watz happenin but itz like she aint fillin me in!damn. she's ALWAYS been like dis wen we fought. and how can we ever work things out seh lyk dis. im tryin to make things better but she prefer to be s bad.ARGH! fuck it la. i dun undastan. why she actin dis way?how i wish for her to know dat how much she means to me....

haiz...

anw, ystdy, i met arfah in the lib... i was kinda pissed wen i saw she was being with her guy friends. *jealous* haiz... but we got talk it over. and i was fine den. n i guess im fine nw. i miz her seh. how i wish i cud see her now, hold her in my arms and wouldnt let go. hah.anw arfah, jgn fikir bukan2 about dat entry above. im juz lettin out everything dat i wanna say. k, love u girl. you're my only one, will always be...

im out now...

9:54 AM
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so, juz got hm now and im all drenched. and i guess i will be runnin a fever cause im feelin real cold. hah. but who cares... hmm, today's paper was physics and geog. and i guess i'll fail. hah. the geog paper was like im doing it anyhow seh. crazy me. mid year paper some more. haiz. i duno wat has come over me seh. ystdy paper, which is social studies, i didn't do the section B dat consists of 25 marks. im being stupid seh. haiz...

anw, didn't meet arfah today coz my last paper of the day ends at 1pm. and her paper ends like 1045am. so i dun leali expect her to wait for me BUT, it's like wat, prolly our next meetin will be like next monday seh.. sial ah... haiz. damn. im sure i gonna miz her. missin her rite now anw...

so my plan of meetin arfah didn't make it. den i tell my peepz wud dey wanna go 'le_parkour'?... all of dem said yes. haha. and to be honest, ive broke my promise with arfah. but arfah, i did it. i actuali climb until the 12th storey. so i have accomplished something dat i never attempted b4...

''SORRY...''

hmm, i have yet to have a bath. got nothing to say now...

so i guess im out...

peace....

6:07 AM
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8:24am was the time when i woke up from my deep sleep. not leali sure but im sure it was pretty deep. but can u believe it?i actuali slept like onli for 4hrs... hah!... slept yesterday, or shud i say today, early in the mornin, like about 4.30am... haha... and seriously i dun leali feel dat tired. weird. sometimes strange things do come in me. unpredictably, it'll juz come out of nowhere. nwy, my girl was online when i signed in. and she still is now. a smile resembles on my face juz as wen i saw dat she's online. =) . and btw, somehow, the 'feeling' dat i have inside me is still there since yesterday. haiz. but im tryin to let it go. i leali wish dat it'll go away. so far away dat it will never come back. i realize dat it is juz my alter ego and been tryin not to let it come over me or it might juz resulted the other round. haiz. anw, i'll be going out ltr with my frens. to a plc where most teens wud preferably go to either to shoppin or juz to look ard at the fine scenery. hah. im talkin crap. it is juz to town dat im goin. doing smtg. hehe. den after dat, goin out with my relatives and fam to celebrate Mother's Day!... haha. so today is the day for mothers. so mothers, enjoy ur day!!go drink and smoke, enjoy life.. but if u drink, go public... haha... k, im leali talkin shit. hah! stop now...

btw, im still missin arfah. can't wait for the day dat we wud be meetin again. can't leali carryin on life without her by my side. need her. need her rite now...

I MISS YOU, Arfah...

im out now...

1:37 AM
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hmmm.one word for now.Exhausted.sort of juz got hm frm the outin.n ya, was planned to go to the KTM rite?didn't make it coz it was like drizzlin oredi when we're juz settlin down.hah.den went to sembawang.the satay club dere.for wat?wat else, eat la.

time passed and the clock still tickin.duh.itz already 1.32am.and we're ready to go back hm.den, went hm la.but, b4 we went hm, went to sembawang park and chill for a while.and like the 'for a while' is like leali for a while.juz as we got dere, after for juz a few seconds, we had to go back coz dad workin tmw.had to be back den.so,we went back.

and now here i m, writin this piece of shit(haha) about the things happenin ard.nwy, did enjoy juz now.had fun.and at the same time, been thinkin of arfah... wonder how have she's been doin..
i miz her.....

so, another story of the day has end here...

im out...

6:38 PM
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another day for me dat ain't feelin oh-so-right.things gettin complicated ard me.each passin seconds juz risin up the probs.im gettin fucked-up.i duno y...

shit...

4:15 AM
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